Now that it's coming to a close, what are your impressions about your project? Is there anything you can do to improve the lasting impact of your work this year?

I have the fortune to reflect on my legacy project for today's blog entry in the aftermath of our final presentation. Kylie and I volunteered to present first, which I believe speaks to how far we've come this year, as just a few months ago we had no idea which direction we were going to take with our project and its mission. I can honestly say, however, that I'm incredibly proud of what we accomplished, which far exceeded my expectations.

The final commitment of our team to Rescue Her, the organization with which we were working, was to create a "promo packet" for the Glam Girls event that we put on in early March. The success that Kylie and I had with that event (the first time Glam Girls had been done in a high school, in Fort Worth, and with that many girls!) was driving Gena, our contact, to think even bigger in terms of what that program could do. Kylie and I were the first to recommend the idea of a promo packet to Gena and I'm really pleased with our outcome.

Although I believe we did an outstanding job in the end, there's always room for improvement. If we were to go back, I would have liked to see us deal with volunteers more effectively, considering we had most of our TCU girls back out within the 48 hours leading up to our Glam Girls event. Since neither of us had coordinated volunteers before, it was difficult for us to know how to communicate our need with them the best, which could have been remedied with some research into the subject. A clear statement of requirements and need for the event, as well as further contact with the girls prior to the event might have helped our issue.

Finally, I believe that the lasting impact of our work this year can be improved through mine and Kylie's continued contact with Rescue Her and Gena. Because we were critical in developing a product that will soon allow Rescue Her to communicate the Glam Girls mission nationally, it's important that we stay in touch throughout the development of our materials. Although we will both be working full-time for another company, staying in touch every other month via email or phone calls should suffice going forward. I look forward to having the opportunity to impact Rescue Her again, perhaps as a volunteer.

This semester has been hard for me in a different way than I'm used to. Rather than struggling with something specific such as a relationship, schoolwork, or the job hunt, I seemed to have it all together on those fronts. I've lined up an incredible job for next year, I've moved into a new apartment with roommates I actually enjoy spending time with, and I'm only taking 10 hours of classes. However it's been one of the most disorganized semesters I've ever had and it's for a reason I can't really control-- my depression.

It's hard to believe that even in a semester where I felt like I've got everything together, I can have days, even weeks, of a downward spiral of depression. After several days of spending all day in bed, canceling plans and not eating, my roommates voiced their concern for me. I made an appointment to see my therapist, who decided that my antidepressants weren't doing their job and decided to 'up' my dosage. I left the office hoping that I would do better after that and that my tendency to let a little bad news affect my entire day would be tempered.

However, a few weeks later, I had some bad days that caused me to miss class and sleep for almost 16 hours straight. Now, I realized that I couldn't rely on medication alone to get me through this and I certainly couldn't let it affect my professional/academic life anymore. Understanding that even though my personal life is separate from my professional life in so many other ways, this aspect is blurring the line. I have to reevaluate my coping mechanisms in order to cater to my professional/academic reputation, which can be severely affected by my days in bed.

In order to work though my depression, I've created an active lifestyle for myself which, although doesn't completely solve the problem, definitely helps my mood. I work out nearly every day and have begun eating fruits and vegetables on a daily basis, as well as cooking most of my meals. Not only is my body feeling healthier, but I feel more fulfilled knowing I'm taking care of myself.

Although I still have days when it's hard to get out of bed, they're fewer and farther in between. And while I would probably have just let my body work through this on its own otherwise, my professional life and that reputation have caused me to look for any and all solutions. That's what I've seen as a meaningful connection between personal and professional and it's taught me to take control of things that I may not have complete control over, because the more effort I put into it, the better the outcome that I will see.

I always enjoy a fresh start; be it a new year, a new semester, or a new day, I like taking advantage of fresh perspective and renewed energy and motivation. This new year and new semester is different in a major way-- it's my last semester in college. Hard to wrap my mind around, but also overwhelming in the sense that I want to make the most of it in regards to academics, social life, and my community. I plan on directing some of this energy towards my legacy project with Kylie where I'll have the opportunity to affect my academics and my impact on the community.

Last year, in our final paper, Kylie and I set a goal for ourselves to meet once a week, regularly, to update each other on individual progress and reconnect on group goals and objectives. Since starting school, we've already set up such meetings and have even upped our meeting schedule to twice a week in order to gain momentum in the semester. Our contacts have become more eager to work with us, and I believe that's in part due to our more organized approach to maintaining contact with them. We have established the professionalism to respond in a timely manner and clearly state our objectives for the relationship. In doing this, we have already been able to solidify a date for our big event of the semester-- Glam Girls.

Kylie and I, in addition to have created a more organized and structured approach to our week-by-week progress, have also come together as a strong team in our constant consideration of how we can make this project an impact on our community, rather than simply an event. We constantly pose questions to each other, such as "How is this going to affect the issue long-term?" or "What else could we do to bring more awareness to the TCU community?". By doing this, not only are we keeping the thought fresh, but also allowing our ideas to develop over time and morph into concepts that are unique and effective. Acting on these concepts will be what makes our project an impact by the end of April.

I've enjoyed working with Kylie thus far, although I will admit I was concerned about our partnership at first. We're very similar people, both very type-A, direct, and take-charge, but I believe it has worked well for us to partner because we've also discovered some key differences that balance each other out. I tend to be better at managing our relationships with third parties whereas Kylie is effective at keeping us on task and on schedule. We've learned to use the differences to our advantage and to temper the similarities when we become overwhelming as a team. This partnership has even more meaning to me since we'll be coworkers starting this summer, and I'll have the opportunity to work with her again.

I look forward to our New Leader Update next week where we'll have the opportunity to share some of our further progress, which will be developed even more after one of our weekly meetings tomorrow.

After clicking around the VitalSmarts website, I found a "What Would You Do" assessment in the Crucial Accountability (formerly Crucial Confrontations) section. Since it's finals week and I should be studying, I obviously decided to take the quiz. It was interesting, however, to see a personalized breakdown of how my behavior aligns with the core of CC: recognizing the difference between motivation and ability.

According to my results, I am better at seeing motivation as a contributor to someone's lack of performance than I am at understanding how lack of ability may be a cause of behavior. Some of the assessment questions included scenarios like, "The IT department still hasn't delivered the new computer you were expecting... last week. You: (call the IT department and let them know that if the computer doesn't get to you by the end of the week, you will need to call the IT manager to let her know about your concern) OR (call the IT department and ask what you can do to help them get you the computer you need).

In choosing which option I was most likely to do, my answer was the former, which explains why I scored lower in ability. Reviewing my answers allowed me to see that in this case especially, I could be telling myself the story that the IT department was withholding the computer from me because they didn't deem my request important, because they were incompetent, etc. Instead, I need to shift my thought process to an understanding that reasonable, rational, decent people (I assume most people possess these traits) would not do any of those things in this case. It was more likely, instead, that there was something blocking the completion of my request that was more related to ability than motivation.

I would have been able to work through this hypothetical situation more effectively if I understood that the best way to get my desired outcome is to assist all those involved in its creation. Working with the IT team would allow me to help with any ability problems that they may face, like lack of permission from managers, misunderstanding of the process, or inexperience with the checkout system. By threatening to turn them into their manager, all I'm doing is making a bad name for myself and causing further stress for the IT professional.

Some of these concepts also align with the age-old adage, "kill them with kindness". Even if I'm dealing with a motivation issue, a kind approach to working through problems will allow my interaction with a disgruntled employee to be the exception, not the rule. I look forward to keeping this lesson in mind in my final semester at TCU and my upcoming position at Deloitte.

Although my past two posts have been written about struggles I've had with friends (which have also been consuming much of my thought), I do have several true friends who have been by my side in the past several weeks as I've gone through this. In addition, they've done things to brighten my days, push me to work harder, encourage me to acknowledge my own weaknesses or even to give myself a break. These girls were some of the people who the friend written about in "A Challenge" had deemed "shallow" and not long-term friendships, so I'm glad that I've been able to prove her wrong by nurturing truly meaningful relationships with them.

Today, one of the girls called me in tears, telling me that she felt defeated and that she felt that the whole semester had been a complete letdown to her. She said that she hadn't made the grades she wanted, but she didn't even have good memories to show for it-- she had just been distracted by internal struggles and her fear of what her future held. My friend mentioned that she thought her professors didn't take her seriously and that she looked back on college and felt that she had done nothing of value for the community. She mentioned all of the regrets that she had and how undervalued she felt within our own Next Gen cohort.

Obviously worried about her in the moment, as everyone has days where the culmination of the past few months becomes a crushing pressure, I was also incredibly broken-hearted that my dear friend would think so little of herself. Of all of the meaningful relationships that I have had in my lifetime, I felt like this friend was one who I not only listened to, but respected and admired for her ability to lead people in a social environment. Where she saw a group of people who hadn't received anything of value from her, I saw a cohort of individuals who seriously respected the quiet individual who was able to make a statement that made others reconsider.

Listening to her talk about how she felt her semester was ending was hard-- not only because it's never easy to see someone go through a breakdown like that, but also because I didn't know how to put into words how much I value her and how much I know others value her. Everything I said didn't seem to sum up how well I thought she handles herself in group settings, or how much I admire her discipline in school. She mentioned how she felt like she had stopped doing the things that she loved, how she stopped taking care of herself, and how she didn't even like what she was doing in school. I understood her pain, as approaching the end of college causes everyone to look at their education retrospectively, but I didn't want her to feel like she was stuck. I tried to explain how many opportunities she had set up for herself and after a while, she was able to calm down and turn her thoughts back to preparing for finals.

Seeing a close friend have a breakdown similar to some that I have is difficult, because I know exactly how she felt and I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy. But reflecting on this situation, I see that it's a good learning experience for my own leadership development. Although I see this girl as a peer, I believe that I could have helped prevent feelings like this by helping her see her own self worth on a weekly, even daily, basis. As a leader in the workforce, I know that I'll come across my own roadblocks, but I also know I'll be involved in the healing of others. If I hope to become someone that my coworkers or team members respect, I feel that I should also be a source of encouragement throughout all of our shortcomings.

I often think positive things about people; I'll notice that someone has done an impressive job on a presentation, or I'll overhear them networking well with a visiting company, but I rarely make a point to mention that to them. I admire so many of my peers, but rarely do we make a point to share those admirations. Although I know this friend has gone through much in her personal life that I could never heal myself, I know that by making my respect for her more known to her, I will help her become more confident and gain a higher self-worth. Practicing this-- giving compliments out loud rather than in my head-- will be helpful in my friendships, but will also allow me to become a supportive and encouraging leader who has the capability to raise others up. In a work environment, where often small failures run more rampant than big successes, I believe this will be an invaluable asset and help me to become a valued and respected leader.

When I wrote the post "A Challenge", I mentioned that there were two friends who had become difficult relationships for me recently. The second friend initiated our crucial conversation over text with one sweeping text message that included some of the most hurtful statements I've ever heard. Of course, she had been a close friend for a while and knew exactly what to say to hurt me, but it was nevertheless shocking.

The core of her issue with me was that she believed that I wasn't being empathetic to her in regards to the job offer that I received but she didn't. In my perspective, I hadn't really talked to her about it at all, knowing that she's a very sensitive person who can turn on you quickly when she feels insecure. Instead, I focused on celebrating my (hard worked) achievement privately, with friends and family who I knew were truly happy for me. However, I seemed to have done something to upset her in regards to this recent hire and she wasn't pleased.

The message was received while I was at a new hire event for the company and took me completely by surprise. We hadn't been around each other much lately and she had been cold to me in the previous times that we had hung out. However, I didn't think that there had been anything wrong with us, I just thought she was being moody.

Apparently I read the situation wrong and that resulted in a message that proclaimed that I had become "a different person" and my "head has gotten too big for [my] body". She went on to say that she hoped that I had friends more forgiving than her, since I was going to need them if I ever wanted to have friends again. The message was long, and also made some catty jabs at my personality, etc. Although it was clear that the message was sent out of an emotional state, it doesn't change the fact that it was sent, and I had to read all of that.

Brought down to a very low point, emotionally, I walked around with a pit in my stomach for a few days. I kept thinking, has my head gotten too big? Have I really alienated that many people? What have I been doing lately that could have offended someone that much? I spent time asking some close friends if they felt that I had changed and if they thought that I was someone who could make others feel like this. My friends didn't seem to see any behavior that would indicate that, which was reassuring. I didn't want to make other people feel that way because I certainly didn't want to lose all of my friends, as the text suggested. However, I knew that I had obviously made someone feel that way and I didn't understand how.

That confrontation (or I guess lack thereof) has sparked a lot of self-reflection and consideration. Friendship is one of my most cherished values and, like I said in my last post, they have always been a challenge for me. This reflection lately has led me to seek out advice from two people who I have a lot of respect for and I finally had a conversation that I feel broke through the issue.

Dr. Shipp seemed to understand exactly what I was struggling with, internally, when going through these confrontations with friends. I used to be incredibly self-destructive when friendships were challenged, and often fed my stubborn nature by cutting people off completely after I felt that I had been "wronged". I hated that I did that, and recognized the symptoms, so I worked hard to change that in college. I tried to have meaningful conversations, but if those didn't work out as planned, I reverted to the "flight" mechanism and ended up acting like the situation (and therefore the person) didn't exist at all.

Unfortunately, that's what I've been doing with these two friends. Dealing with the situation has been difficult since I see them almost every day in class. During a recent class period, I actually heard them whispering behind me after every comment I would make or suggestion I would voice. Another friend confirmed that she had been privy to some of the "trash talking" that they now do about me when I'm not around. It's incredibly hurtful to hear, but sadly not surprising.

When talking to Dr. Shipp, my main concern was to understand how I can work through this situation while maintaining the most maturity and grace possible. She gave me some much needed advice on how to act around people who I've changed my relationships with, starting with the fact that I shouldn't act like they don't exist. Although I knew this probably wasn't the best solution, I didn't really know how to behave. Dr. Shipp told me to extend to them the same courtesy that i would extend a stranger on the street. Exchange pleasantries but nothing over the top. Be cordial, but not overly-friendly. Doing this will prevent me from appearing to these girls and to others that I am still in the middle of a catty fight and instead trying to move on and be the bigger person.

As I know that they're attempting to spread ill-taste about me, it's hard to imagine greeting one of them and talking about the weather, but I know that it will help me work through this not only externally, but internally as well. And it's important to me that I am able to understand how to handle these situations in the future, because they have caused me the most stress in my life so far. I am always thinking of friendships that I miss or people who I want to reconnect with, but I hope with some of the advice that I received from Dr. Shipp, I'll have fewer of these regrets in the future.

One of the biggest changes that I hope to make in my life is the way I carry on friendships. I feel like I have had many cycles of seriously close friendships that result in a falling out that ends the friendship. I saw it happen twice in high school and twice in college and I recognize it happening every time. In high school, I was quick to embrace my stubborn nature and terminate friendships completely when I felt like I had been wronged in some way, but that began to take its toll as I began to miss the friendships that I had lost.

In college, I planned to rethink my approach to maintaining those relationships and worked hard to swallow my pride in situations that would have previously made me walk away. I was trying my own techniques to work through problems, but it wasn't until joining the Next Gen program that I began to gain an understanding of how these conversations should be held. Crucial Conversations training is probably one of the most valuable things that I have learned in college and I have worked hard to refine those skills in my own conversations.

Recently I have (unfortunately) had more opportunities to practice because of some riffs in my friendships. In one relationship, I knew the conversation was coming and I thought through the steps that I would need to take in order to keep the conversation. I tried to remain level-headed during the conversation, avoiding my tendency to become overly emotional and say things that I regret. Although my friend did nothing but accuse my of things I either was or wasn't responsible for, I tried to maintain calm and considerate of her feelings. I used my Crucial Conversations training in my responses and hoped that we would be able to work through our problem.

We did, but only briefly before she began her accusations again. It seemed like we couldn't get past our original issue and she was bringing it up so frequently that I felt targeted. I finally decided to step away from the cool-headed approach and instead made a firm statement that I wouldn't put up with these continued accusations and that I was willing to move on only if she was. Apparently she wasn't, because she didn't contact me after that. Our relationship has become awkward as she refuses to make eye contact with me, but as much as I'd like to blame her for the awkwardness, I know I'm not going out of my way to speak to her. It's an uncomfortable situation and we are both stubborn people who have a hard time dealing with hurt pride.

I miss our friendship often, but know that I did the best I could to repair the friendship. When she told me that the new friends I was making were shallow and wouldn't stick by me in the long run, I felt like she was bringing people into a situation where they didn't belong. She was my closest friend, but I honestly feel that if she can't accept that I will spend time with other friends, just like she's been spending time with her boyfriend, I can't continue to remain close to her.

I don't feel like we're completely done and hope that we'll be able to repair our friendship one day, but in the meantime I feel like I've discovered some really unhealthy aspects about our friendship and have learned that this girl has made many of my friends feel outcast and uncomfortable. I hate to think that I was completely unaware of that, but I hope I can learn how to recognize those situations in relationships in the future.