Self Worth

Although my past two posts have been written about struggles I've had with friends (which have also been consuming much of my thought), I do have several true friends who have been by my side in the past several weeks as I've gone through this. In addition, they've done things to brighten my days, push me to work harder, encourage me to acknowledge my own weaknesses or even to give myself a break. These girls were some of the people who the friend written about in "A Challenge" had deemed "shallow" and not long-term friendships, so I'm glad that I've been able to prove her wrong by nurturing truly meaningful relationships with them.

Today, one of the girls called me in tears, telling me that she felt defeated and that she felt that the whole semester had been a complete letdown to her. She said that she hadn't made the grades she wanted, but she didn't even have good memories to show for it-- she had just been distracted by internal struggles and her fear of what her future held. My friend mentioned that she thought her professors didn't take her seriously and that she looked back on college and felt that she had done nothing of value for the community. She mentioned all of the regrets that she had and how undervalued she felt within our own Next Gen cohort.

Obviously worried about her in the moment, as everyone has days where the culmination of the past few months becomes a crushing pressure, I was also incredibly broken-hearted that my dear friend would think so little of herself. Of all of the meaningful relationships that I have had in my lifetime, I felt like this friend was one who I not only listened to, but respected and admired for her ability to lead people in a social environment. Where she saw a group of people who hadn't received anything of value from her, I saw a cohort of individuals who seriously respected the quiet individual who was able to make a statement that made others reconsider.

Listening to her talk about how she felt her semester was ending was hard-- not only because it's never easy to see someone go through a breakdown like that, but also because I didn't know how to put into words how much I value her and how much I know others value her. Everything I said didn't seem to sum up how well I thought she handles herself in group settings, or how much I admire her discipline in school. She mentioned how she felt like she had stopped doing the things that she loved, how she stopped taking care of herself, and how she didn't even like what she was doing in school. I understood her pain, as approaching the end of college causes everyone to look at their education retrospectively, but I didn't want her to feel like she was stuck. I tried to explain how many opportunities she had set up for herself and after a while, she was able to calm down and turn her thoughts back to preparing for finals.

Seeing a close friend have a breakdown similar to some that I have is difficult, because I know exactly how she felt and I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy. But reflecting on this situation, I see that it's a good learning experience for my own leadership development. Although I see this girl as a peer, I believe that I could have helped prevent feelings like this by helping her see her own self worth on a weekly, even daily, basis. As a leader in the workforce, I know that I'll come across my own roadblocks, but I also know I'll be involved in the healing of others. If I hope to become someone that my coworkers or team members respect, I feel that I should also be a source of encouragement throughout all of our shortcomings.

I often think positive things about people; I'll notice that someone has done an impressive job on a presentation, or I'll overhear them networking well with a visiting company, but I rarely make a point to mention that to them. I admire so many of my peers, but rarely do we make a point to share those admirations. Although I know this friend has gone through much in her personal life that I could never heal myself, I know that by making my respect for her more known to her, I will help her become more confident and gain a higher self-worth. Practicing this-- giving compliments out loud rather than in my head-- will be helpful in my friendships, but will also allow me to become a supportive and encouraging leader who has the capability to raise others up. In a work environment, where often small failures run more rampant than big successes, I believe this will be an invaluable asset and help me to become a valued and respected leader.